Saturday, April 16, 2011

Long Way Clown




July 2003 Charley McGregor and Ewan Boorman swagger into the Cat and Fiddle Inn and order some food and a couple pints.

CM: “This is great, these roads are MADE for Gold Wings!”

EB: “Did you see the corner where I almost scraped a peg? Fantastic…”

CM: “Hey, should we take Gold Wings on our trip around the world next year?”

EB: “No, BMW is offering to sponsor us.“

From a nearby table: “You’re taking a big GS around the world? Did you hear about Mondo Enduro and Terra Circa? These ordinary guys rode DR350s ALL around the world….”

EB: “No! I never heard of either of those names.”

CM: “But Ewan, we watch Mondo Enduro over and over….”

EB: “NO!”

Another voice nearby: “If you haven’t seen it, you really should check it out! These guys are awesome, they ride these little bikes everywhere, deal with all kinds of stuff, have great experiences with the locals…”

EB: “How do they carry their Snap On tool chests on DR350s, er, little bike that I’ve never heard of?”

Neighbor: “They don’t, mate. They just take a few tools and improvise…very adaptable people, they are.”

CM: “What kind of support vehicles do they have following them? At least two jeeps, I assume?”

Neighbor: “None. It’s just them and what they carry on their bikes…”

EB: “But how do they transport their doctor and coffee service? How do they watch their Star Wars DVDs?”

Neighbor: “Er, I don’t think they are taking many electronics on the road, maybe some cameras.”

CM: “HA! We’ve got them beat, er, those people whose shows we don’t watch over and over…”

EB: “Tell me, what sort of hard core cardiovascular conditioning and combat training do they do?”

Neighbor: “Er, none. Not a single pelvic tilt.”

CM: “So what sort of director and producer did they hire? Did they get some good scripting for their faux dramatic arguments? I bet the doctor they had accompany them was a REAL drama queen, like the Russian we hired…”

Neighbor: “They didn’t take a doctor. A couple of them get injured and have to pack it in, at least for a while.”

EB: “Any bug bites that swell up and look disfiguring?”

Neighbor: “A couple.”

CM: “Doh!”

EB: “Any socially conscious and relevant discussion of historical sites and how people are alike all around the world?”

Neighbor: “Lots.”

CM: “Damn…”

Neighbor: “You really should watch Mondo Enduro…”

EB: “STOP SAYING THAT NAME!”

CM: “Any dramatic eating of animal testicles?”

Neighbor: “Not a one…”

EB: “HA!”

Neighbor: “But they did make it across the Zilov Gap in Terra Circa, a couple years back!”

EB: “AHHHH!” (Reaches for light saber that isn’t there, stalks out angrily. Followed by CM)

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